My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
