There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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