I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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