There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
