We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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