tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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