If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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