omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
