weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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