i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
