Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
