I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
