I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
