There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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