It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
