FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
