I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
