I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
