Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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