Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
