So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
