The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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