YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
