My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
