I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize