I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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