i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
