i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize