Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
