How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
