so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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