So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
