At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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