hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize