I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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