I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
