the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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