got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize