So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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