my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
