I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
