I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
