He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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