I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
