I wannas sexs uuuuu
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
