I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
