the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
