Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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