Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
