Only a mothe r could love this liver
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
