Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
