So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he fucked my hip out of place.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
