he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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