Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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