Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
