allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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