After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
