if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize