if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
