Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
