so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
