he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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