I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
