one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
