The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
