I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
