How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
