What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
