He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
