If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
