I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
