the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
