I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
