what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
birth control should be required to get into college
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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