Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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