I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
