My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
